Monday, September 29, 2008

 

it's so true that when one appliance in the house becomes faulty, the others follow suit. First it's my printer, which i can guess the prob but no time to fix it. This has caused me great agony cos I've gotta read things off the screen, which I really hate to do. Secondly, my modem is feeling rather cranky these few days and i fear the worst.

Thirdy, the aircons in my hse is spoilt: they drip water. grrr... bad timing, cos it's just soo damn hot without it, and fan does not help much.

Plus, I've 'kiaped' 2 fingers in a span of 1 week. And they are on my right hand. dominant hand for writing, eating, and typing. One of the fingers is my dominant tying finger somemore, so it now hurts when i type. Ouch...

Silly silly me nowadays..

 

No, I'm not gonna to talk about Physics or Literature, rather, I'm gonna whine abt my life..

I never expected the transition from year 3 to year 4 to be so great, no, there isn't even any transition to talk about, it just came blasting into yr face like a tornado. Or perhaps I shud say I was NEVER prepared to take on honours, I was still deciding when results were out, but I just decided to make a last ditch attempt, to prove my worth, or worthlessness.

Thus six weeks into the academic year, I gained some things, but I lost some things as well, but probably lost in the sense that i did not gained what i expected. Perhaps the greatest gain was a class, sth that i have yearned for ever since I left JC, I just missed the together-ness of a small 'population'. But well, this class is...erm... hahaha... ok hopefully everyone will get to know each other more.. and I guess time will tell.

The module descriptions say that it is a DEMANDING course, oh well, I cant wait to agree. If u want real critical thinking, year 4 is so totally for u! Since I'm quite an idiot in critical thinking, it's so totally not for me. Plus there's deadlines back to back, with projects that ask u to think deep deep, read wide wide, write good good. Furthermore, my classmates are so smart, such that I'm in awe. Some of them have clockwork precision brains that it earns my admiration. So somehow, I can never smoke anymore, because the profs will know in a glance.

The long waited break this sem is the worst ever, WORST. It's 3 times busier than a normal week and I'm in a constant state of being sleep deprived. The core culprit is of course the proposal for my ism. I purposely planned my modules so that ism is one of them, but now i'm so pulled towards not doing any shit ism at all, cos the proposal itself is already so troublesome. But then, if I dun do it, I've got nothing to take next sem.

I guess the problem with me is that: anything goes. Or rather, I like to dabble in everything, but nothing in particular stands out and interests me so much so that I want to do a research on it. It was so bad that sth as basic as doing either human or physical (two rather different branches that require different approaches and techniques) eludes me. This, is again reflected in my choice of electives modules: I simply refuse to take arts mods and went to take sci, archi, med, whatever mods that interests me, without thinking about the terrible consequences. Thus, besides screwing up my core mods, these outside fac mods screw me left and right too. As if I had not learnt my lesson, and despite using up ALL my S/Us, I still decided and have decided to take non-arts mods for my final year. The greatest thing (or u can say, the lousiest thing) is that I dun regret my decisions to take them, as I genuinely wanted to know more about all those stuff. GReat, that's just so Great, I shud just kill myself for saying that.

Perhaps I'm just regretting the decision to take honours, and as of now, I'm regretting it BIG big time. It's that time of your life when the little room in the hidden corner of yr heart just screams: BLLAAAAARRRDDYY HHHEEELLL...wtf wtf wtf wtf wtf @#$%^&*()^&^%$%^#$%!

Whatever it is, there's no turning back. I embarked on the journey willingly, so I'd better do sth abt it, somehow. Furthermore, what can I complain abt when I cud have suffered a worse fate slogging myself out in the corporate world. And in what position am I to complain when I know the sci and engine students are probably having it worse than we arts students, having to shuffle back and forth between labs (which can be as far as changi) and sch, and taking care of whatever cells/things they are growing, and having to stay put in SG in December cos the stuffs they are growing needs constant care.

It's just that..it's just that.. my busy schedule has been taking time away from people that matter to me.. people that I love... I was just chatting and catching up with some old friends yesterday, and how I wished that taxi ride was forever and the conversation never had to end. How I wished we had proper time to leisurely play instruments in syl's hse. Perhaps next time I'll bring my cello hahaha, then we can have 2 violins, four hands on the piano, cello, or maybe a vocalist, and the dog sitting quietly by the side basking in our music, hahahaha.

Dun get me wrong, I love my geog mates whom I see almost everyday, but even if we get to see each other so often, we dun really sit down and talk cos everyone's soo busy, let alone those loved ones who are physically further away from me. Sometimes I get so tight I'm on the verge of violence, or simply so irritable that I bite. Sometimes I get so out-of-synch with their lives that when I eventually find out what's been happening to them, I felt guilty for not being there, esp you, you, you and so many other you(s). I hope you(s) know who you(s) are, thou u may have given up on this blog and pronounced it dead or u may not even knoe abt this blog at all, haha.

Sigh... just lemme curse in my little cyber space again... #$%^Y^^&*(@!#$%)(*&^%

And goodnite to all my loved ones...